Love in the world of a fat kid.

When I was six, my celebrity crush was Sylvester Stallone. I had the hots for the most random guy ever. Seriously, do kids even know who he is?

NO!

Most girls my age were in love with other people, like Elijah Wood or Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Who can forget JTT?!). I had my eyes set on this much older gent. I was in love with Sylvester Stallone and that was that. You might ask yourself "How is that even possible?". Well, I'll tell you how.

It all happened one evening when I was sitting in the living room with my family watching HBO. There was nothing special about this, except for the fact that we were watching Demolition Man. For some reason, this terrible film captivated me. I thought Sylvester Stallone kicked so much ass and looked amazing. Everything about the movie made me happy. I thought it was hilarious that Taco Bell became an uber fancy restaurant and I didn't even mind the naked lady that appears for all of two seconds. Everything about that movie tickled my pickle in the good way. For some reason I was smitten by Stallone. His big manly arms and pecks seemed amazing to me at the tender age of six.

My brothers would tease me about being in love with such a weird person. I mean, really, who can blame them? What kind of child has a crush on Stallone? He has a crooked mouth and a speech impediment for crying out loud!

This crush lasted for almost two years, when I moved on to someone even more random: Speed Racer, but alas this is a tale for another day.