Fat kid horror stories.

I know I haven't done a good job at recounting them all... I haven't updated in over a month.
Mostly because I haven't had a chance with work and school and all that fun stuff. Also because I asked a dear friend for his honest opinion... and it wasn't good. I know that you can't always appeal to all readers, but I guess it just kind of uninspired me.

I've had several friends asking me for updates and such. I mean, I still want to keep this going, because honestly, being a fat kid has made me into who I am now. I have countless stories of my fatty days and although at the time they were torture, now I can get a good laugh from them.

When I was 12, my mom took me to a Mexican weight loss program called "Quita Kilos" (which translates into "get rid of... pounds" or something like that). She called it our last resort, BUT then again, she always said that everytime she took me to a diet clinic.

So we're with our consultant lady who is going over what my diet plan, and when we got to the lunch part, my mom had objections. "What do you mean she can only have half a sandwich and a small apple? She'll never have enough with that, she needs more food". The lady was already annoyed with my mother because she's obnoxious and kind of rude sometimes, so she replied "Well... maybe that's why she is in this state".

With that, my mother picked up her purse and grabbed me by my fat arm and stormed out.

I was extremely embarrassed. I just had a stranger call me fat to my face and blamed my mother for it... the same woman who would lock the fridge with a master lock and a chain.

My mom and I laughed about it recently, but it took me back to how crappy I felt that time.

Fat kids have it bad.

Anyway, if you're reading this and have your own fat kid horror story, please don't hesitate to share. I know there are millions of people out there who would have something to share about their past, so I want to give you all a chance to share.

Leave a comment or something.

DO IT TO IT!

My love affair with cheese.

I love cheese. I love everything about cheese. I couldn't imagine a life without it. My love of cheese has only grown in the past years.

I can't remember the first time I had cheese (or anytime when I didn't love it), but I know I must have been around the age of three. I loved everything about it then and I love everything about it now. I love the texture, I love the way it melts, I loved the way it tastes with almost everything.

Cheese is simply the best.

When I was a little girl, I would drag my sister and her little walking table thing and stand on it just to reach the cheese. Seriously, there is proof.

As I mentioned, my fondness of cheese has only grown with age. Back then I only limited my cheese consumption to mostly American cheese and string cheese. I would eat it alone, I would melt it on a plate, I would eat it with bread.

Now that I'm older, I have grown to love several different varieties of cheese. I even learned how to eat cheese with grapes (Uvas con queso saben a beso). I have cheese parties with one of my best friends. We buy an expensive cheese (last time we went with a delicious smoked cheddar) and we buy some Triscuits and have it with some bottled sangria on the side. I'm making myself hungry just thinking about it.

Anyway, everyone always made fun of me for loving cheese so much. They'd say "That's why you're the way you are, you can't stop eating cheese". They'd tease me about this love affair and gawk at me for always asking for more cheese on my plate or eating just the cheesy parts. Don't even get me started on Mac and Cheese. It was death. In a good way.

So because I was so obsessed with cheese and my mother was so concerned about my growing weight, she'd stop buying normal cheese (much to the dismay of my siblings who couldn't enjoy cheese with their sandwiches). Instead, she'd buy some of the fat free stuff which is gross and just plain mean.

She hoped that my fondness of this milky food product would die down (along with my giant ass), but it didn't and it won't. The fact that I couldn't have it regularly made me love it even more. She eventually gave up not buying cheese, because I had it anyway. If I didn't have any at home, I'd go over to friend's houses and have their cheese. I was unstoppable.

Picking a favorite cheese is like asking me to pick just one favorite Radiohead song: It's impossible. I can't pick just one. I love the way sharp cheddar tastes, but I also love the way some softened Brie tastes like with some fruit spread. I love the texture of Munster and I LOVE provolone on my Subway sandwiches. I love the way Monterrey Jack with pepper tastes, ESPECIALLY on a Triscuit cracker.

Man, I love cheese.

Love in the world of a fat kid.

When I was six, my celebrity crush was Sylvester Stallone. I had the hots for the most random guy ever. Seriously, do kids even know who he is?

NO!

Most girls my age were in love with other people, like Elijah Wood or Jonathan Taylor Thomas (Who can forget JTT?!). I had my eyes set on this much older gent. I was in love with Sylvester Stallone and that was that. You might ask yourself "How is that even possible?". Well, I'll tell you how.

It all happened one evening when I was sitting in the living room with my family watching HBO. There was nothing special about this, except for the fact that we were watching Demolition Man. For some reason, this terrible film captivated me. I thought Sylvester Stallone kicked so much ass and looked amazing. Everything about the movie made me happy. I thought it was hilarious that Taco Bell became an uber fancy restaurant and I didn't even mind the naked lady that appears for all of two seconds. Everything about that movie tickled my pickle in the good way. For some reason I was smitten by Stallone. His big manly arms and pecks seemed amazing to me at the tender age of six.

My brothers would tease me about being in love with such a weird person. I mean, really, who can blame them? What kind of child has a crush on Stallone? He has a crooked mouth and a speech impediment for crying out loud!

This crush lasted for almost two years, when I moved on to someone even more random: Speed Racer, but alas this is a tale for another day.